Getting back on the horse to fight CFS/ME

By on July 29, 2011 in Headspace with 2 Comments

Opportunity to be a larakin outside a western Queensland pub (back when I had more energy)

Do people who are balanced, who moderate life and what it has to offer, generally get Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME)?  I’ve read that its generally Type A’s – those that go hard, strive high and basically don’t stop at anything to get what they are after in life.  I guess I was a Type A person.  I was always go, go, go – not very balanced.

Do you ever feel like this illness was sent to put you through the hoops of learning moderation?  I can see the lesson manual, it seems clear as day to me, but the doing is a great challenge.  I have great enthusiasm and drive for a period of time and then I fall off the horse.  I have a few days reprieve and then I get back on the horse again.

At the moment I feel like the saddle is loose and I just can’t stay upright, I just keep sliding back down and plopping off into the dirt, where I lay miserably for a while till I pull myself together again.

I’m not sure if I just push myself too hard to start with, but I don’t want to somehow give up on moving forward.  I have goals across a few areas and I am trying to chip away at things each day, perhaps I’m expecting too much.  I need to watch my perfectionist – she’s a real ball breaker!  Ouch!

I’m pretty sure this illness was sent to somehow expand my inner self.  Its helped me to break through several internal barriers and it keeps challenging me on an emotional level every day.  And well the moderation, well I’m still working on that.  At the moment I am working towards my daily plan which is yes pretty demanding for my condition, but at the same time it does allow for a fair bit of rest.  It’s just disciplining myself to follow through with it.

So for me falling off the horse is deviating from my daily plan, which includes good sleep, yoga, meditation, affirmations, checking my goals for the day, spending time preparing, cooking and eating good food for each meal, working on my blog and home business, doing some exercise, doing a bit of gardening, doing a bit of reading and listening to inspirational CDs and having a few hours rest.  Hmm, reflecting, it does look slightly high end expectation – perhaps a little of my Type A coming out.  What do you guys think?  Too much?  See I figure if I chip off a little bit of each thing each day then I’m building habit and momentum, applying the Slight Edge.

Unfortunately I end up doing a bit too much of one thing or another and end up too tired to follow the regime the next day and so the saddle sliding begins.  I retreat into movies or books and find solace in some comfort food.  A couple of days into that I start to knock myself about with my Little Miss Ball Breaker personality in my head and slowly I start to put my fighting fatigue tools back into place, tighten the girth and step back up into the saddle.  Phew!  I’m lording it over my life once again.

This is an ongoing habit for me.  Pulling the tools in helps but I’m still not quite convinced I’ve got it sorted quite yet.  This on and off thing does not seem like the answer.  I can see what helps but the application still needs some fine tuning.

Now I know many of you may be thinking – just start including one thing at a time, yes yes, great advice I know, it’s perfect…..for someone who’s not in a hurry!  That’s the key.  Damn, maybe I’ve answered my own question.  Will mull that over some more.

Love to hear how your going and whether you’ve got a comfortable seat in your saddle or whether it has a similar sliding effect on a regular basis.

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  1. Lindsey says:

    Trying to LITERALLY get back in the saddle again. Used to train horses professionally. Health started declining for unknown reasons (at that time) so I retired and have been forced to work from home. Since leaving the ranch, I found a therapy riding school here in Phoenix that helps kids & Vets with physical and mental disabilities go through rehabilitate through movement and actions with the horses. Amazing opportunity. But CFIDS came out of remission in July of 2011 and I haven’t been to the ranch since. So LITERALLY trying to get back in the saddle. Just now reaching out for resources online. I’ve been struggling with this for 13 yrs now and have always kept it incredibly private (well as much as I could so it didn’t hurt my business or affect my friendships). After just recently turning 30 and being unbelievably frustrated with being in this situation again, I am finally reaching out: for both emotional and financial resources.
    Look forward to reading this and connecting with more CFIDS patients somewhere online…

    • Thanks Lindsey, Well not many of us can say we are actually trying to get back into a real saddle! Good luck girl. I hope this is a short stint for you and those horses help to ease you back into things easily. I really must bring up some deep dark emotions when it raises its ugly head yet again for you. Can you recall what helped you with your recovery in the past? Are there certain things that have worked for you that you can pick back up again? I hope you find the website useful and feel free to join us on facebook for more chats.

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